| Teen Dating Violence On-Line Resource Kit
Information for Parents on Teen Dating Violence
We are beginning to learn how prevalent dating violence is against teens and young women. National studies show that between 20 - 30% of teenage girls report being physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.
Eighty-one percent of parents do not believe that teen dating violence is an issue at their child’s school and 54% have not spoken with their children about dating violence (Teen Dating Violence and Social Environment Survey 2000). Yet, 1 in 5 teenage girls are physically or sexually abused by a dating partner (Journal of the American Medical Association 2001).
It is normal to be shocked or angry when learning about teen dating violence. Most parents have never talked with their teens about dating violence and most parents don’t think it happens at their child’s school. But nearly one-third of teens know someone who has been physically abused by someone they were dating.
One quarter of pregnant teens are physically abused by their boyfriends. In about half of these cases battering began or intensified as a result of the pregnancy (Brustin 1995).
Warning Signs: Is your teen a victim of dating violence?
• Does your teen exhibit unusual or extreme moodiness or withdraw from the family?
• Has your teen stopped seeing friends or given up favorite activities?
• Is your teen spending all her time with her boyfriend?
• Does her boyfriend call very often?
• Is your teen falling behind in school?
• Is she afraid to break up with her boyfriend?
• Does your teen have unexplained injuries?
How to help a teen victim of dating violence
• Listen and believe her. Don’t ask blaming questions. Remind her that the violence is not her fault.
• Talk openly and without judgement. Don’t ask, “why don’t you just break up with him?”
• Support her efforts to control her own life. Don’t expect her to follow all of your advice. • Take her seriously and try to understand what she is saying. Saying “forget him, there are plenty of other guys out there” doesn’t acknowledge her feelings or the danger.
• Don’t try to stop the teen from seeing the abuser. Understand that it may take a while to break up. Forbidding her to see him may put her in more danger.
• Offer to go with her (to court, to a counselor, etc.) for help.
• Set limits and make a safety plan together. Let her know what to do in an emergency even if she doesn’t admit she’s in danger. For example, tell her that you will pick her up anytime, anywhere.
• Support your teen’s feelings and strengths; don’t yell or give ultimatums, because that’s what the abuser has been doing to her.
• Be patient. Ending the relationship is a process and it may take time. Don’t give up on your teen even if there is a setback.
• Talk with her in private, and don’t tell others her story unless she asks you to.
• Gather information to help take effective action. Do you know the local hotline number? Find out where to get help for domestic violence and sexual assault survivors |
