| Teen Dating Violence On-Line Resource Kit
Information for Friends and Allies on Teen Dating Violence
Friends and family members can be part of the solution to end domestic violence. Thirty percent of adolescent girls know someone who has been physically abused by someone they were dating (Teen Dating Violence and Social Environment Survey 2000). If someone you know is being hurt, they may tell you rather than an authority figure. Only 6 percent of girls and 11 percent of boys experiencing severe abuse tell an authority figure (O’Keefe and Treister 1998).
Warning Signs: Is your friend a victim of teen dating violence? * adapted from What you need to know about dating violence: A teen’s handbook by Liz Claiborne, Inc.
Does your friend’s boyfriend
• call her names or put her down?
• act extremely jealous when she talks to other people?
• always check up on her, calling or paging all the time?
• lose his temper, throw or break things when he’s mad?
Does your friend
• always apologize for his behavior?
• always worry about making her boyfriend angry?
• cancel plans at the last minute?
• give up things that used to be important to her, like friends or activities?
• have injuries she can’t explain?
How you can help
• Take her seriously and try to understand what she is saying. Saying “forget him, there are plenty of other guys out there” doesn’t acknowledge her feelings or the danger.
• Offer to go with her (to court, to a counselor, etc.) for help.
• Don’t criticize the abuser, but focus on her safety.
• Remind her that the violence is not her fault.
• Gather information to help take effective action.
• Validate her feelings and strengths.
• Don’t tell others her story unless she asks you to.
Where to get help for domestic violence and sexual assault survivors
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